I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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