someone owes me an orgasm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
