You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
