It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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