craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
