so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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