I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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