I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
