He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Mom said you looked used
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
