My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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