why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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