i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
