i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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