If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
