Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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