i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
