Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
