maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
