are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
