I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
