I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
