I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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