...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
