Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
