i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
