so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
