K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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