And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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