No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
