im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
