yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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