Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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