I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize