Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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