Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
