What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
