so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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