it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
