You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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