i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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