You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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