if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
