Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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