Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
