you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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