i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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