was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
