8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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