I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
