walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
