I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
