shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
