Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
