I wish I only lived at night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
