quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
