so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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