I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
