covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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