we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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