Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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